The NFL Better Not...

From CBS:

Michael Vick was reinstated by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell on Monday and could play in regular season games as early as October. Vick can immediately participate in preseason practices, workouts and meetings and can play in the final two preseason games - if he can find a team that will sign him. A number of teams have already said they would not.

I myself am not a fan of animals, but I'm also not a fan of this:


No one better sign him.

Justice...Like Lightning

After all of the com planing. After all of the name calling. After all of the ad-hominems and hatred and whining and worry of all the old white leaders in Washington, Sonia Sotomayor's nomination as a Supreme Court Justice has finally been approved.

Whether this is good or bad cannot be seen right now. We have to see how she votes and where she lies with certain issues. I for one am not really sure about Ms. Sotomayor strictly based on her previous calls in certain cases. But what I am sure about is that these old racist conservatives now have no reason to attack this woman strictly because she's a Latina, a woman, and not as old as the stone age. At this moment, all I can really say is congratulations Your Honor!

Now don't disappoint...

Hillbilly Daze (Or the First and Only Time I Went to Jail), Part 2

The officer says to me, "You're the one who should have been driving." I thought he was an idiot at the moment, as I felt as drunk as any time I have ever been drunk before. Not so drunk that I wanted to vomit and pass out, but not weak drunk where I stand up and my body shifts to the left and right. Nope, just perfect drunk.

He makes M get out of the cop car. Then he places me in M's position. I'm now with my fellow compatriots J and S. M gets his own personal cop car. I would guess this was so due to his previous run-ins with the law. He did, of course, have a past shrouded in mystery and deliquency.

We arrived to the jail. They treated us like animals. The water they gave us was room temperature when it should have been chilled. The blankets they gave us were made of courdoroy. And oh, if you only knew how I loathed cordoroy, and still do to this very day. After all of the foreplay, they put S, J, and I into a cell where no one else was. Well, I should use the term cell loosely, as in fact it was what most consider the "drunk tank" (even though we were clearly sober...irony?). By law we were required to stay in this tank for eight hours. This rule was supposed to include M as well, who was put in his own special tank. However, thanks to his upper connections within the eastern Kentucky elite, he was able to make it out of jail within four hours, leaving the rest of us to suffer in pain and silence. What makes this situation more annoying is that it was his fault we were there in the first place, what with his irrational driving and such. Anyhoo, I digress...

We were cold. Lonely. Isolated. The room began getting colder and we all refused to use our blankets because we were sure they had been infested with some unclean bum who had been brought in off the streets of Pikeville. Eventually, however, we succumbed to the coldness and decided to use them after all. The very thought of it today disgusted us. It was finally time for our phone call. First J, then S, whose girlfriend naturally didn't answer the phone as she is completely oblivious to the fact that she even has one half the time. This is the girl that could have been our potential savior, and of course, no answer. Then it was my turn. As I approached the phone, I asked a jailer/law enforcer how this process worked: how much time did I have, was this the only call I could make, etc. He responded very rudely to me, treating me like trash. And you can tell what kind of person this was. This was a young redneck fool who knew nothing of the world. His ignorance obviously shined in high school, and because of this he was bullied, beaten, teased, made fun of, which are all things that should have happened to a person of such lower class. Now, because of all this, he decided the only way to get back at the ones who mistreated him would be to become a police officer and harass those young, rich, good-looking boys who get drunk during Hillbilly Daze and eventually get jailed. So, to all of the corrupt snooty cops out there who do not do well in their position and who only exist for retribution on those who deserved to do to you what they did, well to you I say fuck you, and I will have my own retribution.

I could barely remember any phone numbers. With today's dependence on cell phones, it almost seems pointless to try. But I knew two: my mother's, and a girl I had recently become acquainted with. Naturally, I called her. She then told my niece, who told my sister-in-law, who then called to check up on me. I couldn't answer of course. I was in jail. Back into the cell I went.

The seconds felt like minutes. The minutes felt like hours. And the hours felt like days. I literally do not understand how prisoners deal with the issue of time. In this cell I lost all concept and reality of the term. Time seemed to stand still. Meanwhile, more drunkards were placed in the cell. I had to protect J and S by proclaiming that they were my bitches to the rest of the imprisoned, and that they should not touch. One man was obviously high on crystal meth.

Boredom. Despair. Fear. And finally, a shining light. The door opens. It's time for us to go. We call H (thank goodness there was enough battery life in my phone). And then we go. This is the story of a time I spent in the wonderland of eastern Kentucky, in the hills of the Appalachian festival. This is the story of a time I was looking forward to celebrate my heritage through food and spirits. And this it the story of how three gentlmen, who had no previous contact with any kind of law enforcement, were abused, tortured, and harassed by corrupt officials.

I warn you this: Hillbilly Daze is not the fun loving alcohol swilling party you think it is. Despite what you might think, there are rules, even when they're shouldn't be. We should be able to drink until we die at a place called Hillbilly Days. Our Kentuckian forefathers would be ashamed.

A Message I Wrote to HSBC Credit Card Services, An Epic Failure of a Company

What I have just been through was a disaster. I typed in my password incorrectly twice. I have been using this damn thing for years. After I did that, it refused to let me have access to my account. I could reset it if I had my card number, but I shredded my card years ago. So now I can't reset it online. I called the customer help number, who then transferred me to someone else, who then transferred me to someone else, who then transferred me to someone else, who then transferred me to a non-English speaking gentlemen who finally told me that nothing could be done. It took four people to tell me that? Then, having graciously waited for close to an hour and a half, he told me they WOULD NOT reset my account even though I could provide my social security number, birth date, address, and could even give them the last four digits of the card. So now they are sending me a new card so I can set up my account online. But you, the overpaid neanderthal who gets paid to read these emails and then delete them without ever providing any sort of real customer care, will no doubt do the same to this very message. So to you I say, your system is a failure. I should have never gotten involved with HSBC, which is way too hard to do considering they have contracts with almost every retailer imaginable, and I implore you to get out of this impossible system.

Oh, and if the non-English speaking gentlemen I spoke to messed up and I don't receive my card within 10 to 15 business days, I will have no access to my account online, which means I will not be paying. I will not hold myself responsible for late fees, etc. because I am sending this message and have explained my case. Now, I work in a similar business, and know you're going to tack them on anyway, but I just want you to know that I know.

And be warned. If I don't receive this new card that I don't even want in the mail within the scheduled amount of time the non-English speaking agent told me, I will be highly infuriated. I will call, and one of your lowly operators will bare the brunt of my verbal aggression because of your incompetence.

Hope to be hearing from you! :)

Disney Magic Proposal

Someone sent this to me and it really brightened up my day. I can't tell if this is all fake or not though. Thoughts?

Hillbilly Daze (Or the First and Only Time I Went to Jail), Part 1

The trip had been planned for weeks. Five young college men, including myself, were going to make the excursion to my homeland, God's country, eastern Kentucky, Pike County to be exact. We were going to celebrate being Kentuckians...well, I'm being too coy. We were going to celebrate being bred from the state of moonshine, bluegrass, hot brown, fine women, bourbon, and tobacco. We were leaving Lexington, a place considered more civilized, and heading toward our roots. Well, mine, M's, and H's anyway. S and J blood came from elsewhere (the Centralists - both from the Louisville area). But we were leaving our fine city lives for a day or two to rediscover what it was like to be a hillbilly. In Pike County, naturally, at Hillbilly Daze, a festival celebrating the loudest and most jovial of us. I had never been before, but was no stranger to these types of festivals, having been from West Liberty, the motherland to the annual Sorghum Festival, a similar event, but with less alcohol content.

We got into M's Lexus, a very modest vehicle, big enough to fit the five of us, and began the two and a half hour trip back East. It didn't seem like it took that long. With all the stories, jokes, and laughing everyone had in the car we were there in no time. The first thing we did was stop at H's and say hello to his parents. It was the right thing to do, but they were certainly oblivious to the fact of the devious deeds we were about to accomplish in Pike County. Without counting into affect what everyone else had planned, I had but one goal: to demolish myself with enough food and alcohol that it would put Dwight Yoakum to shame. I was going to eat gyros and hot brown. I was going to consume enough beer and liquor that the stench would have been revolting, and I couldn't wait. I was, after all, celebrating my heritage as a hillbilly.

After the pleasantries at H's house we departed to go downtown to start the circus. When we arrived, the smells were overbearing. The smell of all the wonderful items being deep fried and covered with powdered sugar could make a small child cry. Hell, I almost did myself. The scents of meats and cheese permeated throughout the streets. Meanwhile, the people. Laughter, pure joviality, singing, dancing. Beautiful. We walked. We went down one street and up the other. The first drink: a large colorful tube of liquor and some sort of fruit-ice beverage. If you've ever seen Vegas Vacation , it looked like the beverage Cousin Eddie holds behind Clark at the blackjack table, the one he lights on fire. The liquor was very noticeable, and I am one to not enjoy the taste of fine liquors all that well, and I know that what they put in this certainly wasn't any fine liquor.

We pressed on.

The next drink: the beer section. This is where it began. One beer, two beers, three beers, four. On and on and on. People we knew came up to us, said hello, and moved on. For a while, a few of us remained here to consume as much alcohol as possible while the rest of us explored.

We pressed on.

Another drink here, another drink there, and before you know it everything was out of control. The Kentucky heat and humidity began to get to us, and those who are in Kentucky know, it's unstoppable. This, mixed with the amount of drunken buffoonery I had become, forced the idea in my head that it was time to find some air conditioned room somewhere for me to sleep this off and start again. M, J, S, and I were all in agreement. We had heard of a party happening somewhere up the hill, a perfect place for us to cool our heads, rest our bones, and re energize for the night that followed. H, whose girlfriend had accompanied us, was naturally forced by her to stay, and so we split. Now it was just M, J, S, and me. But H being gone would soon come in handy later.

I asked him. "M, are you okay to drive?"

"Definitely." Of course he would say that. He was never not okay to drive. He would prove this two times earlier in ways that I'm sure I'm not supposed to divulge, so I won't. Anyway, my desire for air conditioning outweighed my desire to survive a crash, but M was noticeably better off then any of us anyway. We were just going up the hill, not that far. And J and S were both on board. So why not?

We got into the Lexus. The cold air pushed itself on me. I have to tell you that I've been in a lot of vehicles, but a Lexus turns the hot air to ice in a matter of seconds. But I digress. M starts the engine. We drive. Everything seems fine. And then...the incident.

Traffic is bad, but the left turn to the hill is in sight. And this idea pops into M's head: "Why don't I just pass all this traffic using the opposite lane, and make the turn?" Yes M, why don't you. Without telling any of us what happened, he pulls out of the line of traffic, and is now driving in the opposite lane. I would say unbeknownst to any of us, and cop was waiting at the bottom of the hill. Be it was unbeknownst. J, S, and I had seen him from the distance, even before M started this ridiculous plan. Apparently, M did not. He makes the left turn. Up the hill he goes. And, well, you can probably guess what happens next.

The lights flash. The Lexus stops. M starts to freak out. He exclaims how he's going to go to jail, how he's going to lose his license. I turn around. J and S are having miniature freak outs of their own. S, who is known to stress during situations that deviate from the norm, is noticeably...well, stressed. J remained quiet, like he does anyway. The cop approaches M's door. "What were you doing, sir?" M mumbled something back, but nothing that really made any sense. He takes the license, the registration, and what we dreaded most came next. "Could you please step out of the car, sir?" He did. The dreaded TEST was being executed. Left in front of right, FAILED. Breathalyzer, FAILED. Into the back of the cop car he goes. Next...S. Breathalyzer, FAILED. He's gone too. Just me and J. At that point it felt like a game of elimination, like 1 vs. 100 or something. J is up next. FAILED. Into the car with the other two. Now it's my turn. Breath. He doesn't tell me the result. I looked in the car where the other three are being held captive. I began to chuckle slightly, as the situation was kind of humorous. S certainly didn't think so. But I wasn't laughing at them. I was laughing at myself. Earlier, I had expressed my angst towards H for leaving us with the woman. And now all I could think was...

"He's going to be so glad he didn't come with us..."

------------------------------------------END Part 1--------------------------------

These Are Books I Want...

But don't seem to have time to buy and read. Boo...

-Breaking Rank: A Top Cop's Expose of the Dark Side of American Policing by Norm Stamper

-Becoming Batman: The Possibility of a Superhero by E. Paul Zehr

-Shop Class as Soulcraft: An Inquiry Into the Value of Work by Matthew B. Crawford

-The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work by Alain De Botton

-Batman and Philosophy: The Dark Knight of the Soul by Mark D. White

-This is Your Country on Drugs: The Secret History of Getting High in America by Ryan Grim

-Both Ways is the Only Way I Want It by Maile Meloy

-Creeker: A Woman's Journey by Linda Scott DeRosier

One day I'm going to have them all checked off my list. One day...

Dishonesty

It makes me angry when people aren't completely honest with me. I'm a person who likes to deal with problems head on, whether they are personal or through work. I consider myself really great at assessing situations, making the right calls and judgments, and knowing what to do if I have all the information. So when I don't get all the information, or am being lied to, I can't help.

Dreaming About the Past

Last night I had two horrible nightmares. The thing is that they didn't involve ghosts or goblins, I wasn't falling without a parachute, and I wasn't giving a speech in the nude. I dreamed about two people of my past and waking up from both dreams broke my heart.

The first was about a woman that I used to love, and that I believe I still do now. She was everything I ever wanted as cliche as that sounds. She was an iconoclast, went against the grain, did what she wanted, and didn't care about what anyone thought or did. All she cared about was her and me. She was fun. Her laugh was soft and yet still made its presence known. Her smile took my breath away. The form of her outdid all of these plastic unknowns we see in magazines. The softness of her and laying next to her made me feel at peace. But, like anything that seems to yield positivity, things got confusing, and I lost her. What kills me the most is probably my own vanity, knowing possibly that I'll never be with another woman as wonderful, as interesting and unique, and as beautiful in soul and body as her. It's truly depressing.

The second dream was about my father. I often have this type of dream about him. Somewhere familiar, this time at my old house, he shows up and I am shocked to find out that he is alive and that his death this whole time was a mere charade. Tears form in my eyes and I give him a big hug, the kind of hug that only a father and son can have. I ask him why is he here and he tells me he missed me. Then we usually sing a song, last night I beleive it was by Bob Seger.

These dreams, these good dreams, are the worst, because when I wake up, I realize that these people I love aren't with me anymore. WORSE THAN NIGHTMARES.

Natalie Portman in Thor!

I mentioned this a long time ago, but at that time it was only a rumor. Now we have confirmation that Natalie Portman will be in the new Thor film directed by Kenneth Branagh. It can't get more amazing. Presumably, Portman will be playing Jane Foster, one of Thor's first love interests in the comic. It's almost a shame though, because I always figured Portman as Sharon Carter in the new Captain America film. And, it's almost hypocritical of me, as I am a critic of these comic book films where the directors and writers insist on putting love interests in the mix. But who cares! It's NATALIE. F*CKING. PORTMAN!

Friendly Shout-Outs!

There's a lot of depressing and antisocial behavior that goes on here, so I thought it would be a nice time to recognize some of my friends and the wonderful things they are doing, and why I am so proud of them...

-To Liz and Simeon, for making it into the Martin School of Public Policy and Administration, and for recently celebrating their anniversary...

-To Bethany for being such studious and such a hard worker, especially during the 7pm to 7am shifts...

-To Lauren Mc. for finally coming out of her cave and having dinner at Drake's...

-To Murrel, for not letting the obsession and abuse of drugs and alcohol ravage his body until the point of death. For you to even be standing is a miracle, and I commend you for it...

-To Shalysa, for getting into graduate school at the University of Louisville where she will be pursuing her Masters in Higher Education, something she has been waiting on for a long time...

-To B-Dobz for busting his ass every day at UK's one year MBA program which consists of the student going to school every day from 8AM to 5PM...

-To Austin B. for getting into University of Kentucky Law School...

-To Jay and Clayton for getting into Medical School...

And everyone else who I am depending on to be successful so that I can have it easy for the rest of my life!

God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything by Christopher Hitchens

I recently finished this interesting book and thought I would give you my overall synopsis. For those who insist that I am always chastising the Christian religion, as a matter of fact, Christopher Hitchens chastises EVERY religion, which is evident in this book, so it gets worse.

To start off with, I didn't love this book nor did I hate it. It's a hard book to read especially since almost every paragraph is filled with Hitchens' own caustic and self-absorbed wit, presuming that everything he is saying is correct. Now, this isn't necessarily a bad thing, I'm just don't like arrogant tones, which is something you find heavily here. Such is the nature of Hitchens, as the same kind of attitude writing is prevalent throughout many of his other works. And I would by no means defend religion, but I don't like anyone who presumes that they actually know. Regarding religion, I don't know and you don't know either, and that's how I like discussions to end with it. Much like Christians, Muslims, Jews, and Hindus believe they have it all figured out, so does Hitchens.

Now, with that said, he does make a lot of interesting points, and the book is chalked full of useful and factual information about why organized religion is a huge failure no matter where you go. It causes hatred, war, bigotry, segregation, ignorance, health concerns, and all kinds of other problems which Hitchens has no reservations about getting into. The book has also helped me learn, understand, and articulate a lot of arguments I have against religion, for which I am thankful.

I won't right anything more about it. Religion is a personal choice for anyone, and I know on here I tend to be unfair and probably don't recognize a lot of good that comes from religion, but I just don't believe it matters compared to all the bad. I'm not sorry I am so biased. So if you are interested in both sides of the argument, Hitchens' book is a great read, and I definitely recommend it.

I Knew Wonka Would Snap!

There's really not that much to say. Someone passed away in a chocolate factory. Yeah.

Be amazed here.

Top Ten Things Spoken by a Giant Robot!

Cannabis

Pot is definitely not my thing. I have friends who are avid cannabis users, who rely on it to calm them down and get them through the trials of the day. And I can understand all of that. But for me, it just doesn't work like that.

Like any other former high school and college student, I've tried my share of things. I've done some things that expanded my mind, and I've done other things that made me want to lock myself in my room and never come out. I've drank to be social and drank to be belligerent. I've toasted, and I've passed out. But one thing my body could never quite adjust to was marijuana. I never really did it in high school and only did it a select few times in college. Today, I don't really do it at all. Here's why:

I believe marijuana takes a person's attitude and multiplies it to a certain degree. Certain friends of mine are goofy, fun-loving, and simply enjoy all there is to in life. So when they smoke, it takes them to the next level. They enjoy life more no matter what they're doing (which is probably watching television). It elevates their happiness. But, as I've wrote about before, I have a high level of anxiety. Situations can stress me out and I can't seem to relax until I get them done. So whenever I smoke, it takes that stress and turns it into paranoia. Instead of enjoying being high, all I can seem to think about is being scared, or how fast my heart is beating. It takes the way I think and multiplies it just like it does any other person. And quite honestly, most times, I end up freaking out.

Am I the only person like this?

I Think I'm Obsessed with Facebook...

...how about you?

James Pinkerton: Obama's Katrina

An article came out today on the Noise's web site by James Pinkerton claiming that the recession will be Obama's Katrina. His claim is that just like Bush's lack of a quick response and commitment to Katrina, Obama will get the same criticism for his lack of a quick response and commitment toward the economic recession this country is facing.

I guess you're right Mr. Pinkerton. I mean, Barack Obama has only been president for around six months. He inherited the recession from the failures of the previous administration. I guess you're right. The unemployment is all Obama's fault.

The fact is, Katrina and this recession cannot be related and it's childish to do so. You can't compare disasters like this, and even if you're could there's no comparison. W. did not inherit Katrina. It happened on HIS watch and HE failed to do the right thing. President Obama has been quick to respond to the problems of this economy since Day 1 and has kept completely transparent on what's being done, unlike Mr. Bush.

You can read Pinkerton's humiliating (for him) attack on Obama here.

Audra Shay, I Hardly Knew Ye

What is it about republicans and racism? Don't you seem to find most racists and bigots within the republican party? It makes sense. And I'm not just writing about this to give another example of why I don't like conservatism or anything like that. I'm just saying that when all the dust settles, that kind of ignorance seems to steam from the right more so than the left. And every few months we seem to get an avid republican that reminds of the fact...like Audra Shay.

Who you ask?

Ms. Shay is the current vice chairman for the Young Republicans, a group of young and excited conservatives meant to help energize the Grand Ol' Party (even though Shay is 38...not so young). Shay also fell into a trend that most people who are not young are falling into...that of FaceBook. It's my opinion that FaceBook should be reserved for young good-looking hipsters like myself, but I have noticed the increasing swarm of old people who like to get on there and gossip about the young crowd. Ms. Shay is not exception.

One day, Ms. Shay posted a comment about how she thought Wal-Mart was doomed for endorsing President Obama's new healthcare plan. Naturally, the new feature of FaceBook allows a person to comment on their status updates. So, many of her "friends" commented on this. One of these "friends" was Eric S. Piker. He not only commented once, but twice! Oh joy! Or not...

You see, the last thing Eric said was this:

Obama Bin Lauden is the new terrorist… Muslim is on there side… need to take this country back from all of these mad coons… and illegals.

Not very integracial. And guess what. Ms. Shay decided to respond to that with this:

You tell em Eric! lol.

LOL indeed Ms. Shay. LOL indeed.

Of course, this was all taken down at Ms. Shay's immediate understanding that she had just fucked up in a major way. However, a few 'detectives' actually copied the page before it was taken down. You can find it here.

And yet another conservative caught in her own web of bigotry. I doubt we'll be seeing much more of Audra Shay, or at least I hope so.

Is Anyone Else Excited About Football Season?

I am.

My Farewell to Sarah Palin (I'm Sure She'll Be Back Though)

So unless your are hiding under a rock you know that Sarah Palin has surprisingly resigned from her governorship of Alaska. She had a few reasons for deciding to quit. For example, she claims she was never intending to run for governor again anyway and didn't want to be a 'lame duck' governor for the next eighteen months. She claims that too much money was being spent on all the corruption currently going on in her government (corruption she caused). But the most interesting I find is that she claims that the media are still using unfair and biased tactics against her.

This claim is ridiculous. Does it ever occur to these wingnuts that sometimes what the media seems to report over and over might be true? Might it be true that Sarah Palin is a conventional idiot whose policies and beliefs are both ancient, out of touch, and contradictory? Might she be a corrupt, hypocritical individual like a lot of these conservatives who preach at us but who do not follow their own moral code?

And as far as her 'battle' with David Letterman: aren't comedians supposed to be...I don't know...comedic? That joke was funny and it doesn't really matter who it was directed at: the 14-year old or the 18-year old. When a person is placed into the public eye, the are to be scrutinized. But not just you. Your family, your friends, they too will be investigated and satired by the media, by comedians, by anyone who feels they have an opinon or a voice. Yes ex-Governor Palin, when you signed on to be a politician and governor, your should have made your family aware that they would be under the same level of scrutiny as you. It doesn't matter if it's fair or not. Everyone invovled with you becomes part of the game and if you can't handle it then get out.

Oh wait, you are.

:)

July 4th Break

Hi Everybody! (Hi Doctor George)

If you haven't noticed, which I'm sure you have because you are obsessed with checking what kind of crazy antics I'm getting into on here, I haven't been posting this week. And there is a very good reason for it! Well, not really.

The truth is...I'm lazy, kind of.

Saturday is July 4th and I am actually going home to West Liberty, Kentucky on Wednesday (hey, that's today!). Since I will be without computer access for most of the week, a little vacation of sorts, I decided to take a break from blogging as well for the week and see what it's actually like to watch the news without forming my ravaged opinions on the internet.

But fear not. I'll be back in the game on July 6th, and I'm very excited about it.

So until then, be safe, be weary of drinks that people give to you, and have a wonderful Independence Day!