Who You Calling a Moran? Wait...What's a Moran?

This is an example of the types of idiot conservatives currently protesting against the Obama administration by sending teabags into all offices of Democrat.

Yeah. Definitely. Makes. Sense.

The Age Old Conundrum: Tipping at a Chinese Buffet

I say thee nay!


Too long have we endured such harshness, such travesty, as to add on ten to twenty percent of our hard earned money to those who do not deserve it!


To the Chinese I say this!


Thou art slow on refilling our drink!

Thou art too pushy with the check when thou assumeth I am finished!

And the most diabolical part...thou art insistent on thy tip even when thou hath not deserved it!


Thou does not do anything! You sit. You watch. And occasionally, on Fortuna's blessed evening, I might get my water refilled, which is free anyway!


Tipping is reserved for the hard working, the meager, the poor. Tipping is reserved for those who hath done everything necessary to make mine experience as most pleasant and bountiful as possible! Not for those who have stake in the very restaurant they are serving at! And don't try to speak falsehoods! I know you all have a shared stake in the restaurant!


So to tipping at buffets, especially oriental, I say thee nay!

Don't Like What the Pope Has To Say?

Send him some condoms! The Catholic onslaught continues...

From CNN:

Critics took to the social networking site Facebook to voice their fury over Pope Benedict's remark that condoms do not prevent HIV. Thousands have pledged to send the pontiff millions of condoms to protest the controversial comment he made to journalists as he flew to Cameroon last week. "You can't resolve it with the distribution of condoms," the pope told reporters. "On the contrary, it increases the problem." Pope Benedict XVI has made it clear he intends to uphold the traditional Catholic teaching on artificial contraception. The Vatican has long opposed the use of condoms and other forms of birth control and encourages sexual abstinence. About a dozen Facebook groups have sprang up, mostly from European countries, criticizing the pontiff. "The clergy aren't supposed to have sex at all, but they are free to tell people how to conduct themselves? That's like a girl who wears no make-up as the CEO of CoverGirl," one member posted on the page, "Condoms for Pope Benedict XVI."

Clinton Gets the Catholic Treatment

This is an article from a web site called The Catholic News Agency:

Mexico City, Mexico, Mar 27, 2009 / 04:59 pm (CNA).- During her recent visit to Mexico, U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made an unexpected stop at the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe and left a bouquet of white flowers “on behalf of the American people,” after asking who painted the famous image.

The image of Our Lady of Guadalupe was miraculously imprinted by Mary on the tilma, or cloak, of St. Juan Diego in 1531. The image has numerous unexplainable phenomena, such as the appearance on Mary’s eyes of those present in the room when the tilma was opened and the image’s lack of decay.

Mrs. Clinton was received on Thursday at 8:15 a.m. by the rector of the Basilica, Msgr. Diego Monroy.

Msgr. Monroy took Mrs. Clinton to the famous image of Our Lady of Guadalupe, which had been previously lowered from its usual altar for the occasion.

After observing it for a while, Mrs. Clinton asked “who painted it?” to which Msgr. Monroy responded “God!”

Clinton then told Msgr. Monroy that she had previously visited the old Basilica in 1979, when the new one was still under construction.

After placing a bouquet of white flowers by the image, Mrs. Clinton went to the quemador –the open air area at the Basilica where the faithful light candles- and lit a green candle.

Leaving the basilica half an hour later, Mrs. Clinton told some of the Mexicans gathered outside to greet her, “you have a marvelous virgin!”

This evening Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is set to receive the highest award given by Planned Parenthood Federation of America -- the Margaret Sanger Award, named for the organization's founder, a noted eugenicist. The award will be presented at a gala event in Houston, Texas.

I love how, in the middle of the article, it is just written so nonchalantly: the miraculously imprinted, unexplained phenomena, blah blah blah. It's like if I was in the middle of a conversation talking about cars, and I was like, "Yeah. God decided it was time to get an oil change." Would you take me seriously?

This article can't be right. Secretary Clinton is not an idiot, and something has been omitted here or is not being fully explained. It's just a way for some of the religious right to try making a democratic leader look ridiculous to...the religious right.

I Believe...

This is my favorite passage from Neil Gaiman's American Gods. I may have posted this before, but I really enjoy it and just happened to read it again yesterday and thought I should share it with you...enjoy!

I can believe things that are true and I can believe things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not. I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and Marilyn Monroe and the Beatles and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen-I believe that people are perfectible, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkledy lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women. I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state. I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste. I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like the Martians in War of the Worlds. I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman. I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself. I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says that sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system. I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.

Friday Afterthoughts

-I can't believe they fired Billy G. I'm glad, don't get me wrong. But I can't believe they did it so fast. We've only been hearing stirrings of it this week. BAM! Still awesome. Now Todd, after you pay him his $6,000,000, how about rewarding your fucking employees for Mitch Barnhart's ignorance?

-I hate CSI, CSI: New York, and CSI: Miami. I can't wait to see CSI: In Hell.

-I just watched the film Milk. Really good, though not as good as I expected. I think Hollywood directors are forgetting how to make a good bio-pic. Lately, they seem to intoxicate them with dates and back office politics, instead of who the person really is/was. They can do better.

-UK basketball fans really are a bunch of assholes, myself included. Warranted? Probably.

-How is Megan Fox that hot? Can anyone help explain this to me? Why? I mean, she just prances around all hot like, saying in interviews that she loves sex, has all those tattoos, and smokes. She's in Transformers, Transformers 2, and going to be in the comic book adapted film Fathom. Give me a fucking break, Megan!

-My Facebook is swarmed with Billy-G goodbyes. Kind of annoying. Some funny.

-I haven't bought comic books this week. Very upset about that, indeed.

UK: Gillispie Out!

It was just announced that Billy Gillispie has been let go by the University of Kentucky. A press conference is being held at 4:30 today to officially announce it!

He can hot tub and drink somewhere else.

Diabolical! Steele the New Dr. Doom!

Wow. I never thought there could be someone as diabolical as the most badass villain in comic books, but apparently there is. The other day, Michael Steele had this to say in an interview with CNN:

Steele: I'm a cause and effect kind of guy, so if I do something there's a reason for it. Even, it may look like a mistake, a gaffe. There is a rationale, a logic behind it.

Q: Even with the current news and events there's a rational behind Rush, all of that stuff? Steele: Yep.

Q: You wanna share with us?

Steele: I want to see where the landscape looks like,. I want to see who yells the loudest. I want to know who says they're with me , but really isn't....

Q: How does that help you?

Steele: It helps me understand my position on the chess board. It helps me understand you know, where the enemy camp is and where those who inside the tent are, ahhh

Q: It's all strategic.
Steele: It's all strategic.

Wow. I didn't realize Michael Steele had everything planned out like that! He's as smart as Tony Stark, as diabolical as Dr. Doom, and as sinister as Lex Luthor! Can you believe it? I mean, to have the nerve to take on Rush Limbaugh like that, knowing that you're going to get made fun of by both republicans and democrats alike! That's brave!

Even when Michael Steele messes up, it's like the Joker says:

It's all part of the plan. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Get lost, Steele.

POTUS vs. POT

Yesterday, I reminded you all about President Obama's innovative new way of taking questions from the public via electronically at whitehouse.gov. A lot of the questions that Internet users submitted were in regards to the legalization/decriminalization of marijuana. Here's what President Obama had to say about it:

I don't know what that says about the online audience. The answer is no, I don't think that is a good strategy to grow our economy."

After this was said, everyone in the room started laughing and Obama proceeded to start on the next question.

Well, to hell with that.

I'm so sick of all these politicians throwing out the marijuana legalization topic like it has nothing to do with our mainstream society. If anything, it has everything to do with it. Politicians tend to shrug questions like this off, and that's nothing short of what President Obama did. This country needs to take a good hard look at the number of people who actually smoke marijuana versus the number of people who drink alcohol and see which one is worse.

The are two, weak, pathetic reasons why marijuana in this country is not legal. The first one is because all of these old-generation fundies out there still believe that life should be lived as witnessed on Leave it to Beaver. Pot is just too new, too misinterpreted, and too "radical" for those people. And these are the people that haven't even tried it, which I never understood in the first place. But for some reason, these same types of people believe that alcohol is okay, which baffles me further. The only real reason these people don't think it should be legal is because it ALREADY IS ILLEGAL! It's cyclical. And these people, we're talking mostly republicans here (but democrats and every other political party is not short of ignorance on this issue) control enough of this country to make sure it stays illegal. And to tell you the truth, I bet if you asked them, they wouldn't have one argument against marijuana that a supporter of marijuana couldn't debunk. But the issue is never discussed because of instances like President Obama's. They just throw it away, like the whole situation is laughable.

The second reason its illegal is because the government fears that it can't be taxed, and if it can't be taxed, it's considered to be in the same realm of bootlegging alcohol, which is THE ONLY reason bootlegging is illegal: taxes. It's pretty easy to throw a few seeds in your backyard and grow some crop. What's not easy is building a damn brewery out in the back of your yard without the government knowing about it. And that's key. If the government doesn't know about it, it's probably illegal. However, I think there's enough people out there, and stop me if I'm wrong, that would gladly pay for legalized, taxed marijuana. It's definitely not the only way to stimulate our economy, and probably wouldn't put a dent in it at this rate, but it would still be better than having it criminalized and having all of these 'pot-offenders' in jail. I bet us spending the money to keep them in jail could actually help a lot of people out.

So politicians: get the fuck off of your high horses. Answer the questions! They're obviously popular enough for everyone on the Internet to ask President Obama about it!

And Obama...you're better than that. You would answer stupid questions from Jay Leno and the guys at Red State Update, but you won't answer a marijuana related question from a normal citizen of this country?

Grow up.

UPDATE: My President...Still Cool

Barack Obama has been accepting questions electronically from normals like you and I. He has been taking the questions for a while now. Submissions ended earlier this morning at 9:30 AM. He will be answering the most popular of the questions at 11:30 AM this morning via a live video stream on his web site, which you can find at WhiteHouse.gov.

This is the first time any POTUS has ever done something like this. In fact, I'm not entirely sure George W. Bush knew how to turn on a computer, let alone accept emails.

Barack? Yeah, still cool.

The Homosexual Cure

A new poll came out today that says 17% of British therapists believe that homosexuality in a human being can be treated medically through different therapies, including shock therapy. Yes, shock therapy. As in, when the patients think homosexual thoughts they get...SHOCKED...as to deter them away from such immoral thinking. Uh...hello?

I believe homosexuality is not a disease. People are born homosexuals. It's genetic. It's no coincidence that a high percentage of all the species in the world exhibit homosexual behavior. Humans are just animals, and that kind of behavior isn't above them, just like heterosexual behavior isn't.

You can't cure someone of who they are. And just trying to get people to deny doesn't work. It forces them to act immoral, whereas in the first place they weren't. Look at Larry Craig. A republican. A conservative. Too extreme in that he couldn't come out with who he really is because of fear of rejection, ridicule, and banishment from the party he supposedly loves. So looked what that kind of behavior forced him to do. He had to get his kicks in an airport bathroom so no one would know the truth. If he would just have accepted who he is, and if people would have accepted him, it would have prevented the whole media debacle and joke that has become his life. The same applies to Ted Haggard, a man of God, who still to this day claims that it's not because he's gay, but it's because he has been touched by the devil and just gave in to sinful behavior.

Homosexuality is not a sin. It's not a disease I can't imagine anyone who would want to deny the rights of someone just because of who they want to be with. We're all miserable anyway. Let them be miserable in their relationships too.

Let them be who they want to be. Stop trying to find a cure. Stop trying to inflict therapy and tactics that are harmful and can cause long term problems, or that make the patients want to kill themselves because they are being made to feel hated and ridiculed. Leave them alone.

Shock therapy?

If I were gay and someone said they wanted to strap me up to an electric chair, I'd tell them to go fuck themselves.

So fuck you, 17% of British therapists. Your mothers suck cocks in hell.

Megan Fox...Still Hot.

Hoo...Wha?

I didn't want all my blog posts today to be all about quotes, but man, there were just some doozies out there today.

Remember George W. Bush? No? Let me refresh your memory. This is the guy that said, "The question is: is our children learning?" This is the guy who said, "Fool me once, shame on...me...fool me twice...uh...you can't fool me!" Oh Georgie, you were the best.

Well, if you don't remember him, then you probably wouldn't remember John Hinderaker. Ol' John has a blog out there, kind of like this one, except his sucks. And a long time ago, John said this:

It must be very strange to be President Bush. A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, he can't get anyone to notice. He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile.

Hmm...

Well, the other day, Ol' John said this:

...evidently we have to add astronomy to history and economics as subjects of which Obama is remarkably ignorant. I'm beginning to fear that our President has below-average knowledge of the world. Not for a President, but for a middle-aged American.

Is he confused? Or am I confused?

Oh, I get it! George Bush is smart and Obama is the dumb one!

Wait...

Obama Pwns Ed Henry

This is Ed Henry. Last night, Ed Henry got pwned.

At President Obama's Press Conference on Tuesday, March 25th, 2009:

Henry: Why did you wait days to come out and express that outrage? It seems like the action is coming out of New York and the Attorney General's office. It took you days to come public with Secretary Geithner and say look we're outraged. Why did it....

Obama: Look it took us a couple of days because I like to know what I'm talking about before I speak. Alright?

Get pwned Henry. Get pwned.

Beer? Bones? Alright!

A new study has come out that claims drinking up to two drinks a day, including wine OR beer, can actually increase a person's bone density. Wow!

This just gives me even more of an excuse to have a drink!

I reported earlier, a while back actually, that drinking in moderation actually reduces your chances of heart disease. Is there anything beer can't do?

Individual Results May Vary...

Yes, they might.

There is a new regulation about to pass by the FDC that would force all of those companies who use spokespeople who have supposedly lost all kinds of weight using their products to ACTUALLY TELL THE TRUTH. That was a mouth full. Sorry.

Anyway, you know the kinds of companies I'm talking about. An example would be Hydroxycut. If you've ever seen their commercials, they only seem to use people who are really fit to advertise the product. They're tan, they have 'abs of steel,' their skin looks like leather, and they're always happy. You never see anyone like me on there claiming to have lost some weight because of it. Mainly because THAT SHIT DOESN'T WORK! This new regulation would even limit Subway's ability to advertise using that dorky Jared guy, unless he can provide proof that he actually lost all that weight by eating only Subway, etc.

Naturally, these companies are very upset and are trying to stop the regulation before it becomes fully enforced. Why are they upset? Because when people at home see people like me advertising weight loss formula, THEY WON'T WANT TO BUY IT!

And that's how it should be, because that stuff just don't' work. People have to understand that they can't just take a pill to lose weight. It seems like everyone wants to lose weight without actually doing something, an idea expressed more in depth in the film Super Size Me. Check it out if you get the chance.

Get pwned, Stacker 2!

Quiz-NO!

Has anyone seen the new Quizno's commercial? I know I usually discuss things that have a little more substance, but I can't hold back on this any longer: this commercial really creeps me out.

First of all, it consists of an oven talking to a Quizno's worker. The oven has a James Earl Jones-like voice and keeps asking the worker to put 'things' in it, obviously suggesting some sort of weird, man-sandwich, homosexual innuendo that I just really don't want to think about. The worker at one point even says that he doesn't want to do that again because it burnt. The oven replies, "We both enjoyed that."

I know sex sells, and I know this company is trying to be funny.

I've seen some crazy things in my day, especially on the internet. I've seen 'Two Girls, One Cup," I've seen a girl vomit up glass, and I'm fine with all that. But a suggestion that a man is fucking an oven? Please Quizno's, stop creeping me out.

G-Cord: "Hurt" by Johnny Cash

Enjoy!

Obama's Major Gaffe

President Obama appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno last night. During their interview, Leno and Obama commented on Obama's laughable bowling ability, referring to an instance during his presidential campaign where he bowled a 34 at a local bowling alley.

On the show, he compared his bowling skills to the Special Olympics:

“No, no. I have been practicing. I bowled a 129. It's like — it was like Special Olympics, or something."

I'm not going to lie. I am grateful for President Obama. I think he represents the United States of America very well. But these are the types of things he cannot be doing. There is no excuse for him in saying something like this. I'd like to be biased here. I'd like to say, "It's okay. He didn't mean anything by it." But I know if it was G.W. Bush, Sarah Palin, or any other bumbling conservative, I would be on them in a heartbeat. So I hold him to the same standard. Comments like that are disgraceful, and maybe that proves he shouldn't be off appearing on late night talk shows during all of this. It almost makes him seem like he's too comfortable with the public; like he can't mess up. That safety net has allowed him to speak this irresponsible, offensive, and hurtful line and he better wise up. We're all human. But only one person is President of the United States.

The chairman of the Special Olympics, Timothy Shiver, had this to say:

"Words can cause pain and result in stereotypes that are unfair and damaging to people with intellectual disabilities..."

“...And using 'Special Olympics' in a negative or derogatory context can be a humiliating put-down to people with special needs.”

You're better than that, Barack.

Opinions That Should Be Obvious

"It almost feels like our own sense of entitlement is limiting our real freedom."

You should head over there via the link to the right. My buddy Tony P. has written a great little synopsis on life...

Portman in The Mighty Thor?

I have been reading a lot of Hollywood rumors that speculate Natalie Portman will star in Marvel's upcoming Thor film. I mentioned a week ago that she may also appear in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I think Natalie Portman is the ultimate fangirl...and that is damn sexy.

The question is who will she be though? Donald Blake's love interest? Sif? That nurse in the newer series whose charactization was just terrible?

Or could she be...

Enchantress?

Obama vs. Duke

From the New York Times:

“Somebody said we’re not in President Obama’s Final Four,’’ coach Mike Krzyzewski said in a lighthearted moment Wednesday as Duke prepared to face Binghamton in an East Regional first-round game in Greensboro, N.C. “As much as I respect what he’s doing, really the economy is something he should focus on more than the brackets.’’

As a Kentucky fan, this couldn't get any better.

President's Picks

Cramer Gets Pwned

If you've been watching Jon Stewart lately then you've seen how Mr. S. has been pwning CNBC for their continuing failure as a financial advisory news network, especially regarding the advice Jim Cramer gives his loyal viewers.

One night, Jim Cramer actually appeared on Jon Stewart's show to explain himself and the company's reasoning behind all of their previous advice, which has included putting money into the universally hated AIG. Jon Stewart ended up making Jim Cramer look like a complete moron, and rightfully so.

In response to that, the Nielson ratings have just come out and apparently CNBC has been affected by Stewart's awesome investigation into their failures. Viewership around the ages of 25-54 has dropped 10%, a week after Stewart aired his week long CNBC pwning.

I know it's a comedy show, but if you want the news, stick with The Daily Show.

We're on to you, Cramer!

Apologies

I want to apologize to the three of you who have an unlimited passion for The Daily Dose. I know I haven't been posting much this week. It's mainly due to the news of my mother, St. Patrick's Day, the State Tournament, and work. But keep reading.

I promise I'll get back on track...

Top O' The Mornin' To Ya'

The State Tournament

My father loved sports. In the old days, if you were from eastern Kentucky, you grew with a love for high school basketball. To some extent, it's still like that today, but it doesn't seem as rich, at least from stories my father and his friends used to tell me. They grew up with legends like "King" Kelly Coleman, a dominating high school player in Floyd County, who was reputedly a huge moonshine drinker and used to intoxicate himself before and after games. I am getting off track though...

Because of the love and passion for high school basketball that was instilled in them at a very young age, my father and many of his friends decided that they would meet up every year for the high school boys' state championship, which is now called the Sweet Sixteen (there are 16 regions of high school sports in Kentucky). A team from each region advances and they move on to the state tournament, which is now held at the famed Rupp Arena in Lexington, Kentucky.

They have met for the state tournament every year since sometime in the 1960's (the actual first year escapes me). Every. Single. Year. It's a tradition. When they arrive, the state tournament week for them consists of heavy drinking, gambling, story-telling, laughing, and reminiscing in whatever hotel they choose to stay at (this year being somewhere out on Winchester Road). I started going when I was old enough to walk and it's one of the best times of the year for me.

My father has passed now. He passed away in 2005 so I have gone in his place since. When I get there, all of his friends tell me stories of how cunning and sharp he was when he was young. They talk about how he could drink any one of them under the table, never mind his small size. And all I ever hear is good things, never bad. Sometimes as they talk about him I see tears in their eyes. I can't express what a compliment it is to see these old, grizzled, veteran eastern Kentuckians talk about my father and start to choke up. That is truly a testament to the man he was.

They are all older now. Much older. And yet they still continue this tradition. It truly is amazing. I have tried to carry it on. Friends of mine now come in for it every year and I am trying to introduce new ones along they way. I like to bring a lot of female friends of mine so the old men have something to look at. They love it.

I'm astounded every year by this because the way things happen nowadays, people are lucky to have a dinner together in the same town, let alone meet up every year for the same event from all around the United States. And I'm serious. They come in from Chicago, Ohio, all parts of Kentucky, and everywhere else just to be together and see their friends. It shows the tradition and loyalty that I believe is dissipating as time goes by nowadays by people of my generation.

I will go again this year, this week actually. I will drink a lot. I will gamble. I will smoke. I will watch the NCAA tournament on TV and I will go to the actual high school boys' games. And I am going to love every minute of it. If you're reading this, and you would like to go, I encourage it. Contact me, let me know, because it's a hell of a time, and a great way to experience eastern Kentucky tradition.

The bourbon's free.

There is a wonderful post written about a recent news article regarding employees at a mental health care facility forcing the patients to fight with each other over at The Progressive Puppy. I recommend you read it. You can find it here:

http://www.progressivepuppy.com/the_progressive_puppy/2009/03/fight-club-for-the-mentally-disabled.html

Maybe Funny?

I Hate Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has claimed that he will run for...Jesus Christ...PRESIDENT OF TEXAS if and WHEN the state decides to secede from the United States of America, due to continuing moral decline of the nation.

Does fucking Chuck Norris even realize he is a running joke? A gag? A loser? A moron? A bigot? A fool?

I would take a roundhouse kick to the face just to have the opportunity to tell Chuck Norris that he sucks.

BREVI No More

Bristol Palin and her baby-daddy Levi have ended their relationship. I hate putting personal issues in politics. I never thought Bill Clinton getting a blowjob should have been made such a big deal. Hell, I don't even think bringing up George W. Bush's reported use of cocaine and alcohol should be held up to the light because quite frankly, it has nothing to do with politics or the future of the country. So normally, no, I wouldn't write about something like this. But since Sarah Palin decided to parade her daughter and Levi's situation out into the world, because they are such moral people, I thought it only fitting to discuss it, since they didn't mind it in the first place.


For months all we heard about was how moral and upstanding the Palins were. After all, Bristol did not get an abortion (which is such a HIGH standard in the first place - see my previous post about that with Ann Coulter). And then on top of that, we were told how wonderful they are by folks at The Noise because her and Levi were going to get *married.* Awww....

Well. After months of that fucking redneck inbred family getting shoved down my throat, after months of having to hear about how I am considered immoral compared to the *palins,* after months of hearing about how Christian and *good* they are, well...

Suck it Levi. Suck it hard.

It was all for nothing. You know why? John McCain didn't win. Sarah Palin sure as hell didn't win and in the process everyone got to see what a dumb and incoherent imbecile she is, and you and the Briss are now broke up.

The *palins* should just stay in a cabin in Alaska like the Simpsons did in that movie...oh yeah...The Simpsons Movie.

Abortion and Religion: Simplified!

This is why I believe in abortion:

A nine-year-old girl from the countryside was impregnated by her stepfather. The man had been sexually abusing her since she was six. A medical team in Brazil's northeastern city of Recife performed an abortion on the girl, who was fourth months pregnant. She was carrying twins.

And this is why I am turned off from religion:

When told about the incident, Archbishop Don Jose Cardoso Sobrinho of Recife excommunicated the doctor, the child's mother, and the medical team involved in the procedure. The abusive stepfather was not excommunicated because, according to Sobrinho, "A graver act than rape is abortion, to eliminate an innocent life."

The Bruise Contest

Last night I advised two close friends of mine about how weak they really were and how if they were ever assaulted there would be nothing either of them could do about it. They proceeded to argue with me and somehow it ended up turning into a "who can hit the hardest" argument. I decided that we should test it out.

Liz claimed my left shoulder. Lauren claimed my right shoulder. Lauren hit me twice on the right. Then Liz hit me twice on the left. Then Lauren got another chance but her weak feeble had slid off my shoulder. Then Liz tried but the same thing happened to her. I gave them both a final shot. Once again, Liz on the left and Lauren on the right.

No bruises have formed yet. The biggest bruise wins. I'll keep you informed who won.

Yeah, Stem Cell Research. Who Needs That?

Why would we want this stuff? Read...

Macie Morse was born with optic nerve hypoplasia, meaning her optic nerve didn’t develop all the way. The only way to repair it was to grow more of the nerve using umbilical cord stem cells.

She and her mother traveled all the way to China for an experimental treatment. For 6 weeks Morse received injections of cord stem cells and acupuncture to stimulate the cells. Gradually, they took hold and began growing the optic nerve Morse was missing.

And guess what. The kid can see now.

Did you ever see that Family Guy where Peter has a stroke. He finally discovers a local stem-cell research facility. He walks in and walks out in a matter of seconds and he is fully recovered from his stroke. That's kind of what happened with this kid.

But I guess that's against God's plan. I guess the kid was meant to be blind for his entire life. God wouldn't want us to take stem cells and use them to cure the ill.

Yeah right.

If Frank Miller Did Charlie Brown...

Random Thoughts...

-How many times has the local newspaper in Normal, IL used the headline "Things Not So Normal in Normal"?

-How do clubs and bars get the smell out? Bodies, sweating, vomit, urination, miscellaneous body fluids, beer, liquor, vodka, tequilla, perfume, cologne, moisture, heat, enclosed spaces, cigarette smoke, pot smoke, bad breath...

-Does Bill O'Reilly still claim he's middle of the road?

-I hate my cell phone. Not the physical cell phone. But cell phones in general. So why do I freak out when it's either dead or I've lost it?

-I wonder if there were/are any introverted nazis...

-Saturday Night Live is just terrible...

Oy...

If rEpublicans didn't have the current economic crisis as a reason why President Obama should not have signed the stem-cell research plan, it would be something else.

Don't let tHem try to fool you into thinking that the only reason tHey're opposed to science right now is because of the current crisis. tHey're opposed to stem-cell research because of tHey're belief system. But it doesn't matter, because my President took care of it.

Sexism of Watchmen

A friend wrote me this during a discussion about the film Watchmen and I thought it was so well thought of and so articulated that I just had to post it here:

It's all about distinguishing behaviors/qualities/features (in this case, sexism) *in* the narrative from behaviors/qualities/features *of* the narrative. Of course, there are sexist characters in Watchmen (Comedian in big, bold 36-point font), but I'm concerned about the sexism *of* the Watchmen.

For example, I don't think it's necessarily sexist to write about a rape. And I don't even think the way Moore handled the original Silk Specter's rape was sexist. I actually think that was handled quite well in the service of the story. It speaks volumes about the role of women in that era how Ms. Jupiter (what's her name first name?) rationalizes the whole thing.

But Moore doesn't run with that. Instead of portraying Laurie as a really strong woman, to contrast with her mother, she's an underage Lolita to God on Earth and a conquest for a man experiencing new vitality after re-emerging from years of mediocrity. Granted, SS was in the thick of it in the rescue scene, even more than Nite Owl sitting up in the ship, so you could argue she's coming into her own as well, but if you consider the narrative function of that scene, the end result of that sequence, what has the character done?

She's still just the sex object that reinvigorates Dreiberg and the tender, hurt, little girl whose pretty face makes Manhattan think twice. She doesn't convince him of the value of life. The attachment Manhattan has to her leads *Manhattan* to consider the "thermodynamic miracle" of life. Her character doesn't *do* anything to elicit the change.

I'm not saying that Laurie/SS isn't an important character or that Moore's narrative is flawed because of her passivity, but she's so secondary to the will of other (male) characters. This is where the accusation of sexism comes in as applied to the work as a whole. It's not that Dreiberg or Manhattan are sexist towards SS (where, yes, The Comedian is most certainly sexist towards her mother), it's that Moore's depiction of SS as little more than an object, with no will of her own, is sexist on the part of Moore.

I Wonder...

...if I start beating up on women, would women flock to me like they do their own abusers? Who knew getting the shit kicked out of you granted men such an attraction?

Review: WATCHMEN

As a huge comic book fan, this movie is very important to me. It is based on arguably one of the greatest mini-series of all time in comics. While there had been books out there that contained adult content, Alan Moore, the author of Watchmen, took it to a whole different level. After this book comics would never be the same. Things got darker, grittier, more violent, and more real. Comic books went from a genre mostly directed toward children to one that targeted intellectuals. But would the movie do the same?

Visually, the movie is brilliant. The entire world seemed to come to life. The effects were beautiful, the cast looked beautiful, and the alternate reality New York felt surprisingly real. Zack Snyder is good at making movies look good. He seems to have this philosphy that a lot of directors forget: that movies are made to be WATCHED. Everything he's done, from Dawn of the Dead to 300 has been astetically pleasing. If Watchmen was totally terrible, which it is not, it would still be worth it just to see it due to the graphics, the colors, the effects, and the vibrant creation in itself.

Cast? Hits and misses. Malin Akerman as the Silk Spectre was just awful, there's no getting around it. I hated the Silk Spectre in the comic and now I hate her even more. It was almost soap-operish. However, Jackie Earle Haley has Rorschach was brilliant and definitely made the best character. Jeffrey Dean Morgan as the Comedian was wonderful. Patrick Wilson as Nite Owl was kick-ass. I can't believe I actually felt for the character through him after watching his performance in Hard Candy because after that you just hated the guy. Billy Crudup was an amazing Dr. Manhatten. The rest was simple and as-to-be-expected.

Plot? Page by page of the comic book, but that's about it. There was a lot of the stuff, literary work, that just didn't translate well into the movie, because that's just it, it's a movie. I think the plot was simplified to make broader audiences enjoying. The best sequence? Dr. Manhatten's origin. The worst sequence? The rescue of the burning building crowd by Nite Owl and Silk Spectre.

So yeah, the film was good, but not that good. I'm glad I went to go see it. But I definitely wouldn't go see it twice.

You should see it though to support DC Comics!

Sharon Paige Howard Scott

I have been debating whether or not to discuss this. So I'm really not going to. I am going to keep it minimum.

My mother has recently become ill. We worry that it's one of those types of ill. Not like she's just sick. This has made me deeply concerned and worried. Please keep her in your thoughts. Pray to whatever God you believe in, send positive thoughts, or just keep it in your memory if you would be so kind.

As time progresses I will update with more information. This is all I can really say at the moment.

The Ripping of the Pants

You know it happens when you least expect it. This morning after I parked my car at work I grabbed a bunch of stuff in my car that I needed to take in with me. Since my hands were full of junk, I had to maneuver in ways I've never had to maneuver before and try to make an exit out of my vehicle, a 1999 Monte Carlo, a relatively tiny vehicle for a man of my immense stature if you don't know. My left hand finally made it to the door handle and I was able to pull it open. Hands still full, I kick my door open with my left leg. It slammed back against me. I kicked it again and commanded it to stay open. I began to shimmy myself out of the vehicle, one cheek after another. Finally, I was in a position to take the left foot and make the first step out. And then I hear it.

SHRRECCKK!

Did I get back into the car and go get some new pants? No. Did I try to cover them up? Yes. So now I am at work, sitting with ripped pants, hoping no one notices, and living the dream.

The GOP Doesn't Think Obama Can Walk and Chew Gum...

This morning, President Barack Obama will reverse a decision put in place by the bUsh aDministration that will take away current limits on stem-cell research. This is a wonderful thing considering the many cures for certain ailments and diseases that stem-cell research may yield like cures/help for autism, paralysis, and even cancer. Stem cells are cells taken from tissue in the embryotic stage that can be adapted and manipulated to already existing cells on living human beings. It is controversial because most this tissue is retrieved from aborted fetuses from human beings, which stirs up the abortion pot. However, it shouldn't be controversial and shouldn't have any bans whatsoever because abortion is always going to be legal in this country because women need a safe and healthy environment to have them done and if our government ever refuses that to them, well, I won't want to be here anymore.

However, Rep. Eric Cantor, a Republican, believes that Obama shouldn't take the five minutes to lift the bans on this research because it might take away from time better spent on the economy. I mean, the POTUS can only do so much, right? It's not like he's....the fucking PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! Cantor:

Why are we going and distracting ourselves from the economy? This is job No. 1. Let's focus on what needs to be done.

By that token, Barack wouldn't be able to meet with world leaders, read bills, or do any other work required by the POTUS. Just because members of the GOP are old as dust, make political decisions based on ancient scrolls, have bad hearing, and can't walk and chew gum at the same time, doesn't mean Kick-Ass Barack Obama can't.

Way to go, Prez!

Smell What Barack Is Cookin'?

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

Public Enemies Poster

The College Conversation

I recently read an article in the Kentucky Kernal about some boards with fliers posted on them about the man who wrote Porn Nation. Apparently, all the boards posted around campus advertising a special presentation the author was going to make about porn addiction were stolen. The author is going to have an open discussion/panel thing at the University of Kentucky to discuss his book, his own porn addiction, and the overall general topic.

Now, it's likely that some students stole the posters to hang up in their room because it had the word porn on it. College students are as smart or mature as most people think. But it is also likely that some person with extreme neurosis who thinks that the discussion of porn is too crude or filthy specifically went around campus to rip the posters down because they still think it's the 1950's. But, what makes this more interesting is that the discussion is being sponsored by the Campus Crusade for Christ, which I think is very cool of them. To sponsor a discussion of a controversial topic like porn addiction is very...unique for that organization, and props to them for doing it!

So I just want to say:

College is a time for conversation. It is a time where discussions need to be had. Everyone should be open whether or not you agree with what the topic is. Last night there was a special presentation in Memorial Hall called "Heads vs. Feds" where the Editor-in-Chief of High Times Magazine held a debate with a higher up official in the Drug Enforcement Agency over the use, growth, dangers, and distribution of marijuana. It's wonderful that the University of Kentucky Student Activities Board sponsored such an event! It's wonderful that this college is a place where even though the topics may be controversial, they can still be spoken about in a professional, calm, educational environment. Now, that is something I agree with. Another example that I don't particularly care for is the UK Students for Life, who at some point during the semester post pictures in the center of campus of aborted children, fetal matter, etc. But, I respect their right to openly discuss that topic at the University.

So whoever stole those posters for idealogical or malicious reasons, get over it. This is 2009. Republicans, democrats, liberals, conservatives, pro-life, pro-choice, gay, straight, and porn/crack/meth/food addicts, etc. have the right to discuss any topic they want. So don't go around campus taking down posters of topics you don't think need to be discussed or made open. That makes you an idiot.

Now, if you stole the posters to hang up in your room, can I have one?

AFA In Poor Taste

The American Family Association, the same group that threatened to boycott McDonald's if they tried any advertising toward the LGBT community, have produced something dispicable. On their web site, which I won't list here (I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy), is a video that discusses the Christian God and religion being taken out of American schools. According to the AFA, the reason there are so many school shootings and so much violence at schools is because there is no God at school. A direct quote from the video, which is disgusting:

"Dear God... Why didn't you save the school children at Moses Lake, Washington; Bethel, Alaska; Pearl, Mississippi; West Paducah, Kentucky; Stamp, Arkansas; Jonesborough, Arkansas; Edinboro, Pennsylvania... (As the voice drones on the rifle's scope moves across the map, focusing on the locations being mentioned.) ...Fayetteville, Tennessee; Springfield, Oregon; Richmond, Virginia; Littleton, Colorado; Conyers, Georgia; Deming, New Mexico; Fort Gibson, Oklahoma; El Cajon, California; Blacksburg, Virginia? ...Sincerely, Concerned Student." And this is the Almighty's jaw-dropping reply: "Dear Concerned Student, It's because I am not allowed in schools. Sincerely, God"

Is this at all messed up? Isn't this in poor taste? And how does the AFA explain the thousands of other schools who haven't had problems like this that don't have religion at the forefront? How do they explain public schools that distances themselves from religion but have good academic records and a high success rate? I'm starting to consider the American Family Association a cult. This is ridiculous, dumb, and shows the ignorance of the kind of people who belong to an organization like this. Also, and this is minor, but isn't their a "rule" in the Bible about acting like God, imitating God, and trying to construct an image of God? So why would they pay someone to act like God and to say what they THINK God might say in a situation like this. They don't know. Which makes them hypocrits. I hate it.

From The Progressive Puppy:

Better points are made by PZ Myers at Pharyngula calls the God in the video a "petulant, petty whiner." and observes: That's the message I get from this horrible little video. The conceit is that someone writes a letter to god, asking why he let violence occur in the schools, and he replies - and gee, god sure sounds like a snide pissant. The omnipotent, omniscient lord of the cosmos couldn't do a thing because those liberals put a restraining order on him. Right. Crazed madmen run through a public school murdering children, and good ol' Jehovah channels Cartman and says, "Whoa, let 'em bleed to death — some of the kids don't pray to me, and the principal doesn't begin the school day with a public obeisance. Screw you guys, I'm going home."

Rated G: My First Lady

This is the first official photo of Michelle Obama as the First Lady of the United States of America.

Dark Avengers #2

This continues to be the best Marvel comic book out there right now, and as far as I'm concerned, the best comic book period, and we're only two issues in. And really, would I be lying? I mean, to sacrifice my dignity and admit that I read comic books on here like I am doing and cement my future of lonliness, well, it has to be good!

Norman Osborn has assembled a crew of villains to pose as regular heroes. Bullseye is the new Hawkeye. Moonstone is the new Ms. Marvel. Wolverine's son Daken is the new Wolverine. Marvel Boy is the new Captain Marvel. Venom is the new Spider-Man. And then you have Ares and the Sentry, which doesn't make sense, because why does a team need to Superman-esque figures?

Their first mission? Rescue Dr. Doom from the attacks of Morgan Le Fey. That's right! The Avengers help the villains now that Norman Osborn's running the show.

None of you have any idea what I'm talking about, do you? Regardless, heads are pulled off, bitches scream, explosions occur, and badasses take charge!

Buy it!

My President is So Damn Cool!

Review: SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

I finally had the opportunity to watch this film yesterday after work and believe me, I'm so thankful. This film is beautiful, brilliant, sad, funny, cold, warm, insightful, informative, and of course entertaining. I had been wondering for so long what all the fuss was about and now I know. As an American, when I think of a film about characters from India playing a corny game show, I don't think much. But Danny Boyle totally proved me wrong with this, his latest masterpiece.

I won't go too much into the plot. There's too much there to pick out and discuss anyway. But if I had to sum up the film with one word, it would be rich. There is so much going on here. So much character development. From the first moment the main character Jamal meets Latika, you want them to be together. They are constantly meshed together then pulled apart by outside forces, but they seem to never forget one another. In fact, Jamal's entire reasoning for going on a game show where he could possibly when $1,000,000 isn't even for the money; it's for her.

The best parts of the film are during Jamal's childhood where we get to see the reasons why he seems to know all the answers of the game show. There are fun, fantastic moments, and of course there are depressing ones. Watching the film, I felt the up's and the down's that Jamal had to go through. I rooted for him but I never really got the feeling he was going to make it, but I wanted him to.

And of course, Frieda Pinto is beautiful. I had written about her in a post before. She has to be one of the most beautiful women in the world. In fact, she's so stunning, I actually had a hard time believing Jamal could attract her all that time, but it definitely doesn't hurt the film.

If you haven't seen it, it's amazing. Do it at your earliest convenience. Bootleg it if you have to. Because it's definitely worth the time.

The Fantastic Four!

My Friend is a Disaster

Okay. I have this friend that we will call...Bryan. Because that's his name. Anyway, listen to the trouble he went through simply to be in the great city of Lexington for my birthday celebration.

On Saturday, he had to work from 9AM to 3PM. He left straight after work. He rushed to get here because, like most of my friends, he enjoys the bottle and he wanted to start the festivities as soon as possible. Approaching into Fayette County, he was pulled over. It wasn't a state trooper. It wasn't even city police. It was some clown in a car labeled "Vehicle Safety" or something lame outfit the Commonwealth has going on. Maybe "Vehicle Enforcement." Whatever.

The official asks Bryan why he didn't slow down if he saw him behind him. Since this officer isn't a real cop, Bryan replies "I didn't think you could give me a ticket." So, Bryan receives a ticket. Boy, was he surprised.

So, Bryan makes it to my apartment. We go out to my party, we go out to the bars. Somehow, we get split up. Bryan decides to meet us all at the Waffle House (I hate the Waffle House, BTW). As he rushes to get there (this is like 2AM, BTW) he starts to hydroplane, as freezing rain had glazed over the streets. He swerves right. He swerves left. Finally, he hits the median of Tates Creek Road. His front and rear driver's side tires burst due to the impact. Now, to anyone else, the fact that your two tires are totally busted would stop you from driving the vehicle, as it could be very damaging to the car's under carriage and of course the axels themselves. Not this guy though. Not Bryan.

He proceeds to drive the car, missing two tires mind you, all the way up a hill to get to the parking lot of my apartment complex (the Waffle House is close by). He parks the car. He has another friend of mine meet us at the Waffle House. He has some waffles. I don't believe the story at the time.

We go back to my place. We decide it's time to sleep. We sleep. We wake up. His spare tire is an actual tire, so we've got one. Now he goes to Wal-Mart to buy another one. He buys it. He brings it back. Bad news: they didn't attach the wheel to it. Back to Wal-Mart. It takes two hours. I had to go out, so I pick the tire back up, wheel now attached. We change both tires in the cold. I leave to go get treated to a birthday dinner from my nephew. I come back.

Bryan informs me he'll have to get his car towed back to Louisville. I responded by telling him that didn't make since. We changed the tires. We fixed it. "No," he says.

Remember the part about him driving the car up the hill without tires? No? Now you do. Yes, the axel did bend. The car cannot be driven.

Speeding ticket: $180

New tire: $100

Labor for getting tire attached to wheel: $7

Tow down to Louisville: $100

Repairs to axel/misc. parts: $300

Spending time with your best friend on his birthday...

Priceless.

No One Likes Joe the Horrible Writer!

Joe the Plumber had a book signing the other day and guess how many people showed up?

Not 200...

Not 100...

Not 50...

Hell, not even 15...

11. 11 people. 11 people showed up. 11 people showed up to have their books signed. 11 people showed up to have their books signed by Joe the Plumber.

Wow. They get it now. John McCain fail.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/26/AR2009022600005.html

Thank You!

Thanks to everyone who came out to celebrate my birthday and thanks to everyone for all the birthday wishes!

New Wolvie Poster! It's From France Though...